Depressing Self Realizations
You know one of the worst things I've come to discover about myself is that I'm a selfish ass. And lazy. That's terribly depressing, because I don't want to be any of those things, but I feel powerless to control them. These characteristics are just forces of their own and tend to drive me along, manifesting themselves in ways that override my internal desires most of the time. In thought and feeling I'm selfless, friendly and compassionate, but in reality and deed I'm most often not. I'm not always a selfish ass, but when I am and it affects people around me I have such a pressing bout of shame and guilt that it really hurts inside. As long as it's just me I'm screwing over I don't mind so much, I know I'm an ass, so I can deal with me. Okay, enough introspection, I'd better get back to thinking about working.