Unwanted Commentary

Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something about EPIC storms. Let me tell you about convertible tops that have been slashed open. Let me try to explain that the magnitude of this storm’s force was greater than a Hefty bag’s ability to keep afore mentioned slashed opening properly protected. Let me tell you that some dwelling spaces are not as water tight as a brother might lead a sister to believe. Let me tell you that if CiCi and I never have to bail water out of anything ever again for all eternity we will be content that we were not cheated in this existence.

If you’ve never tried Orthodoxy, I would highly recommend it. Especially if you’re fed up with wimpy religion and I can say this with utmost confidence: Orthodox Christianity is not for the weak of stamina, fortitude or will. Due to scheduling constraints we left after two hours, but the Mass was still going strong. I admit I felt a little defeated, but I took some condolence in that the kindly lady who guided us (thanks to Cici) lasted only thirty minutes her first time, or so she said. On the other hand I felt like I had WORSHIPPED the Lord and I have the aching body and sore calves to prove it.

It probably goes without saying, but growing up Baptist does not prepare one for an Orthodox service. The simple fact of entering the cathedral and seeing no pews was a big enough shock. The whole experience was overwhelming to the point where my audio, and visual perception just kind of went numb and let the tides of ancient religious ritual wash over. The murals, the incense, the crossing, the bowing, the icons, the priest’s outfits and the standing in one spot for two hours were like a tidal wave. I couldn’t help but be a willing captive to this monumental spiritual menagerie, my abilities to resist, my defenses were too beleaguered. A kind of stupor?

I highly recommend it. I also highly recommend keeping a sturdy tarp and bungies available, as well as, mops, buckets and sponges. For, you know, catastrophic flooding.