Unwanted Commentary

Well I‘ve gone and done it now. I've poured myself a second glass of wine. I suspect that no good will come of it, least of which would be my oft set goal of getting up early on Saturday morning and getting my workout in. I feel this is a lofty endeavor, but it has oft eluded me. Oh well, it is a nice night. Not too warm, a tad dry, which means no humidity, and a small breeze is tickling through the yard. All-in-all something you can't shun while in Texas on the cusp of August. And no smoking so far, I'm proud of that. I have vowed that last Monday was my quit day, but I don't know how convinced I am.

The new neighbors have friends over. There's a mixed murmur of banter drifting to my ears through the dark, I can't discern it but feel it is that sort of talk that the newly promoted youngsters partake of. I'm sure conversations that I once had were very similar. The kind of talk that only you can make as a person newly exposed to the world, finding yourself at last on your own and the master of your own fate. Before you've become old and jaded, twice divorced and the alcohol you once consumed for jocularity is now a device you use to temper the maelstrom of your life.

It's nice, the foul odor that has lingered about the complex these last few days seems to be gone. I was assuming it was the laggards who sneak over here with their vile hounds to escape having to clean up the shit those beasts leave behind upon the verdant grass, but I think perhaps the funk was emanating from some larger source. So it may be, for the time being I am happy that it is not here now. It is too pleasant a night.

There's the ebb and flow of vehicular activity buzzing in the distance. I can conjure in my imagination the shiny pickup trucks, their bright silver adornments glinting in the manufactured light of street lamps, maneuvering into position in the Far West parking lot. Alas, the pageantry of this weekly ritual is something I've viewed only from afar, but I know it involves lots of cowboy hats and in the hazy banks of my mind I see them bobbing between the rows of excessively adorned trucks to the entrance of what I can only guess is a Hispanic Mecca. It looks like fun.

Posted by Jeff at 10:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I know, I should let it go, but video game controversy is now the only topic I feel authorized to get indignant about. So in the interest of driving it into some unkown level of substrata I present to you what I believe sums it up nicely: today's PVP strip.

And while you are there go to PVP's main page and see that, yes indeed Gina , there is a Save Leeroy Jenkins t-shirt available (some scrolling down will be necessary). For those of you who know, well you know. For those of you who don't it may be in your best interest to find out (see below).

If one of you were to purchase said shirt for me you will then have the distinct pleasure of living the rest of your life with the upmost confidence that your name will never appear on my "to haunt in tortured afterlife" list. And let me assure you that such a list does exist, and that it is extensive and well reasoned.

Posted by Jeff at 08:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I figured it was time for some actual unwanted commentary on timely topics.

First, right up at the top, there's a blurb from the AP about a grandmother who is suing Rockstar, makers of the controversial Grand Theft Auto series. Evidently she's upset that she bought her 14-year-old grandson a copy of San Andreas without realizing it had hidden pornographic scenes in it. Right. If she wins her case I hope the judge forces the old bint to take parenting classes and a remedial reading course. Because if one were to read the box, one would see that the MSRB has labeled the game as appropriate only for those 17 and older. Then if one were to practice proper parenting skills then one would not buy this particular piece of digital entertainment for their fourteen year old grandson. They are impressionable at that age.

Also noted that the shuttle fleet has been grounded until they figure out why bits keep falling off. Personally I think it's all getting blown out of proportion by the media. I'm pretty sure bits have been falling off the shuttle for a long time, but I guess you can expect them to be really sensitive to it now, you know, because of what happened last time. I did find it odd that they felt the need to announce that the fleet is grounded though. I was thinking, "Gee, glad they stopped those bi-weekly shuttle flights before things got out of hand." How long does it take to launch a shuttle? Four, maybe six months, do you really have to ground an aircraft that is only capable of taking off twice a year?

It also says on page 4 that about 300 Scouts at the Boy Scout National Jamboree got sick from the heat waiting for President Bush to arrive. Ummm, isn't Be Prepared, like, your fucking motto? It was when I was a Scout, and we also used to go camping outside…in the heat, you know, where it's hot.

And a real fucking gem of a story. Ikea. This has been driving me nuts. Why has the opening of this store been in the news all week? It's a furniture store, they don't cure cancer or provide hand jobs. But don't be mistaken, I'm not saying curing cancer or dealing in hand jobs should be the only requisite for legitimate news items, as err…handy as that information could be. On top of wondering why Ikea was newsworthy I was really wondering why someone would be camped outside the store and why THAT was newsworthy. I was considering this to be apex, nay the acme, of foolishness, but come to find out that the first person in line gets a $2500 line of credit once the store opens. So now I feel shame for not being "with it". Plus the added humiliation of knowing that I wasted two vacation days last week spending time with my friends when I could have been setting myself up to receive twenty-five big ones for furniture, and those of you who've been to my apartment can attest to the fact this would be a boon. Ah well, as I try to reason out why I keep wasting my life I'll console myself with this tidbit of wisdom from Co-worker Jon's friend's wife, who is from Sweden, who said that in Sweden Ikea is akin to buying your furniture from Wal-Mart. Hah, bitch, have fun with your $2500 of Swedish Wal-Mart furniture.

*Updated* For taste

Posted by Jeff at 01:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Jeff at 12:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I never knew the line of succession was so long. I knew it went Vice President and then House Speaker, but that they would have a long list after that never crossed my mind. Now the fact that the Senate approved a bill to move the homeland security secretary from last to eighth place seems silly. I can only imagine that if we're that far down the list then the actual person leading the country is fairly unimportant. More pressing matters will probably be forefront on our minds, such as SURVIVAL OF FUCKING NUCLEAR WINTER.

I originally clicked on the link to see if I could discern some nefarious intent from the story, but I admit that I can see none. Perhaps the more astute and observant ones of yous out there see something I don't and are, now at this very moment, scrambling into your long prepared underground bunkers stocked with canned asparagus, cream corn, and dehydrated milk. I suppose I shall be left here to bear the brunt when civilization collapses, but alas, such is my fate.

Posted by Jeff at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I've thought this for years with no idea that it was a controversial subject and I was surprised to see it on warrenellis.com. In my opinion, and I'm no master of history, but I think that Truman made the only decision he could and in the end it saved countless lives. The article explains that the bombs were to impress the Soviet Union and to keep them from expanding in Asia, but I think the more important issue, left unsaid, is Soviet expansion in Europe. The USSR was the reason the Allies won World War II and by the time Nazi Germany surrendered they were well positioned to just keep on rolling. The United States and the United Kingdom were spent, having maxed out their manpower capacity and industrial capacity, though admittedly I am taking this from second hand sources.

It's my belief that Truman not only forced the surrender of Japan, but also quelled the Soviets and prevented World War III. Perhaps it was a dangerous gamble, but we all seem to have made it through alright.

Posted by Jeff at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last week was a quiet one on the blogging front. Work was much more demanding and I could find little time to sit down and think of things to throw out here. I am most certain you have all been quite forlorn as to this circumstance, but fear not. I shall put forth new effort to bring you the insightful, clever and well reasoned posts that you have all come to expect.

I had a bit of a holiday last week, taking off Thursday and Friday, to go and spend a few days relaxing in the trendy resort destination of Rowlett, Texas. It was, as you would expect, everything I had imagined and really not much more. The great banquet to the senses that is Rowlett aside, the real draw was to spend some time with friend Dustin playing games, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and to enjoy the charming German eatery, Fritzel's. I am somewhat saddened to report that not everything went as planned, but we did manage to take care of the second item. Instead of games Wednesday night we watched all three Harry Potter movies, though I admit that my memory of the third one is a little bit fuzzy.

Didn't make it to Fritzel's, but we did have some better than average Chinese food. Dustin ended up having to work on Thursday so I spent most of that time fixing his computer and reading a short novel called "I Am Legend". I recommend Legend if your into Vampire stories, it is as they say, a real doozie. At around 1:30 in the morning we did something that hadn't happened for many moons; we roleplayed. Ruvaldt was summoned and we resurrected our much loved Fallout campaign, managing to play until about 6:00 in the morning. Long time readers may recall my having spoke of it before. I am quite excited to announce that we hope to resume a more regular schedule and I expect all of you to send good vibes our way to ensure that this happens.

When I eventually woke up on Friday I felt that I really needed to go home and after doing some finishing touches on Dustin's computer Ruvaldt and I headed out. The rest of the weekend was spent mostly in a haze of procrastination and laziness. Most of it was occupied by pursuing my third reading of Fellowship of the Rings. It has been some years since the last reading and my memory has corroded. I find that the movies have substantially distorted my recollections of the true story. Continuing on to Saturday night, the 1st ex-wife and I went out for some food and beer, we had a very pleasant time and it has been pleasing to find that we can, at long last, associate on a normal level again.

So there you have it. Now we can all return to our daily routines and I with the added satisfaction that I have enthralled and entertained you thusly. You're welcome.

Posted by Jeff at 09:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

James Doohan who played Scotty on Star Trek died today. I was never a big Star Trek fan, but I can't help but feel a little sad thinking that he's gone. You have to admire a man who so joyfully embraced his fate after he realized he would be known for "Beam me up, Scotty." for the rest of his life. He made the most of it, had a darn good time along the way and made a lot of people very happy.

In a 1998 interview, Doohan was asked if he ever got tired of hearing the line "Beam me up, Scotty."

"I'm not tired of it at all," he replied. "Good gracious, it's been said to me for just about 31 years. It's been said to me at 70 miles an hour across four lanes on the freeway. I hear it from just about everybody. It's been fun."

Posted by Jeff at 01:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This is one I missed from Penny Arcade...brought for both your merth and merryment.

Absolute Power

Posted by Jeff at 01:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

How it all happens...

Posted by Jeff at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A shadow on the darkness
My absentee soul is hurting
Craving the life that is in you
Needing to feel myself

My selfish inhibitions
Are devouring my body
Aching muscles longing
To take you to fill me

Thin blood pounds
Inside my bleeding heart
I want to make you
Another part of myself

I'm dying without you
Urges feeling my senses
I can't escape what I am
Hurting to find you now

A dark shadow in the night
I creep along unseen
Predatory imagination
Scheming to take you

Pursuing through darkness
Looking for opportunity
That presents itself
When I'm looking away

My pain is eased alas
Only when I'm in you
Drinking deeply of life
That you're giving to me.

Can't go long without a bit of vampire poetry...
if that's what you want to call it *grin*

Posted by Jeff at 11:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

These are the things I do
These are my vices
My devices for coping
With the life that I've
Flung myself down
They hurt me and
Tear me apart
But they're what I need
To live and to breathe
And find that comfort
That makes me forget
About life and love
And about you

I don't want them anymore
Not any more than
I want you this night
But they're here and
You are have gone away
Leaving me here to do
With what I have
These evil devices
That I have to cling to
And find that comfort
That makes me forget
About life and love
And about you

I'm wicked and I'm evil
Delving into machinations
My mind never could
Have imagined own its own
But without you here
I'm searching for things
That I can never find
Not all by myself
So I'm partaking in this
To find that comfort
That makes me forget
About life and love
And about you

I can't let these things go
Not after all of this
I let you slip away
From me and my life
So I feel thusly empty
A deep pit of longing
Without knowing what
I'm just looking around
For that which allows me
To find that comfort
That makes me forget
About life and love
And about you.

Posted by Jeff at 11:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I try to learn new things every day. I make certain that I use my requisite two hours a day at work in the pursuit of new knowledge and I try not to let the fact that it all evaporates an hour later bother me. Sometimes a piece of knowledge comes along that I would like to make certain that my small cabal of readers, and myself for future reference, are well aware of. So here you are:

They eat Guinea Pigs in Peru. Not only that, but they like it.

This tidbit of lobe expanding knowledge mined from dooce. If you don't read dooce…you really, REALLY should! You will find no better written word in regards to poop anywhere on the internets.

Posted by Jeff at 11:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It is with a certain amount of moral ambiguity that I bring forth the following proposal. However, I believe that under the correct circumstances and in the proper context it could be a boon to us all. As follows:

IF you are waiting in queue as I am in the hope of purveying the services of a cash register operator during your life time AND you are a fairly attractive young woman AND a new venue for the exchanging legal tender for serviceable goods becomes available AND as we both maneuver our endothermic carbon based forms to take advantage of this new opportunity AND I allow you to go before me in a vulgar display of gallantry AND you then display a tax exemption form WHEREUPON a vortex of chaos is created as the mercantile vendors try to grapple with this bane of efficient commercialism THERFORE forcing me to wait an untenable amount of time so that you may complete this archaic transaction out from under the burden of paying the "man" I HERE BY propose that in compensation for said courtesy and patience that you, the PURPATRATOR, should purchase for me some beverage involving the distilling of grains and/or fruits mixed and served in festive arrangements at perhaps a local tavern or pub.

Duly noted and added to the records on this the year of our lord Two Thousand & Five, during this month of July on the blessed 14th day.

Oh, and happy Bastille Day…ya cheese-eatin'- surrender monkeys!

Posted by Jeff at 11:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I just can't stop flinging her...

Those fuckers who said employees waste two hours a day at work have grossly underestimated me.

Posted by Jeff at 04:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I think the only way you could irritate me more would be to shove a bumble bee into my rectal cavity after performing a honey enema. Or you could make me go through the tribulations of trying to download game patches for WoW.

What I can't understand, NOT understand, is why a company that can create and support a game that is as mammoth as World of Warcraft, but cannot distribute twenty Megabyte files to their cliental in an efficient manner. And they're so devious about how they make you hopeful, such is the slickness of the process that kicks off when you log in. Automatically it tells you there's a download, and with no interaction from your beautiful self, you are whisked away to the downloader. It isn't long then until you take some handy jagged piece of metal, that is both hot and searing, and begin to jab it repeatedly into the various orifices of your skull as you go through various pop ups telling you how inadequate are your downloading facilities.

There is, I'm sure, a rational part of my brain that avoided damage from repeated stabbing and can rationalize why there could be difficulties with this technology. I can grasp the concept that firewalls can interfere or that heavy traffic could cause delays or that maybe God is killing kittens every time you masturbate, but where I loose my grasp to cognitively put the pieces together is when I see such blatant disparities. Let me elucidate you, because I can sense, nay, can telepathically see you on the edge of your seat. Thusly: PC at home and work equals painfully, PAINFULLY, slow downloads. Macintosh eMac at work downloads like a champ.

The bit that really wrangles my foreskin is that the only other option to using Blizzard's downloader is to go to these "mirror" sites. These "mirror" sites are in reality ass rapping services that allow you to download files after signing up and joining their nefarious community. They claim that you can join for free and download files, but as of yet I've not seen it happen. I understand that file transfer is one of the biggest drains on infrastructure and I accept that one might be charged to be provided the service of conveniently downloading large files. But the piece of this pie that does the aforementioned wrangling is that Blizzard evidently accepts that their users who pay a monthly fee to play their game should have to pay another outside service in order to get a mandatory patch in a realistic period of time.

Fortunately salvation arrived in the form of me stumbling across the support forums on Blizzard's site and finding a very lovely human being who had made accessible on his or her own site the very file that was needed. I downloaded it in 20 seconds. TWENTY. SECONDS. While relieved that the ordeal was over it brought up questions, as well as the urge and need to go on and ON about it here.

Thank you for playing.

Posted by Jeff at 01:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Grand Theft Auto III: San Andreas is the center of some controversy. As I hear it, there is some debate as to whether or not the software contains the capability to construct porn scenes. Evidently one our cohorts in the universal reality created a mod that allows players to experience virtual sex in the game. Perhaps even direct said scenes? The conundrum is whether he added the code or, as he claims, simply found it and made it available.

I, for one, always thought the game needed more porn because one can't simply commit mass murder and not be expected to build up some urges. I've only played the first one, but I was never satisfied with the ability to pickup those "ladies of the night", and then after driving to a somewhat secluded location, watching the car squeak back and forth. Of course there was a novelty to it and there was some fun to be had, but I think we can agree that it was a concept not fully realized.

What has made me most jovial as I've seen this story develop since yesterday is that the tag lines are, "Do you know what your children are playing?" or something like that. I find almost unlimited mirth in the concept that adding pornography to GTAIII suddenly makes it less acceptable for children to play. It would be, in my opinion, simply a small bit of kindling added to the bonfire of your inadequate parenting that, while you are ok with your child jackin' cars, cappin' cops and mowin' down peds, explicit sex is somehow over the line. In some ways this is hypocritical for sex is the beginning of life, and as there is so much wanton destruction of it in the game this is a sort of completion of the circle…some might say.

Posted by Jeff at 09:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If one of you out there would be so good as to fund and transport me I would be eternally grateful...ETERNALLY.

From time-to-time I get the notion, if things were perhaps different or if I had made better decisions in life, that there are things I should be entitled to. This, my mind concieves, is one such thing.

Posted by Jeff at 10:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I have done it. I've been talking and thinking about it for a few months now and at long last I've girded up my loins and done that thing. I have purchased calipers, a fat pincher for the measuring of body fat. This is the first step in an attempt to take my diet and physical fitness program to that "next level" you sometimes hear about on media programs.

I am dubious about this as it would seem to entail that I shall step up my regimen on all fronts and, to be honest, I don't know how enthusiastic I am about that. I've put in considerable effort since October though I will admit I've been floundering a little these last few months and progress has become a bit tenuous. This new plan of action will mean an even more substantial concentration of effort and I fret that I will not be up the challenge. However, if I manage to pull it off it should provide the key to that door I've been trying to get through. We shall see.

Posted by Jeff at 01:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

World of Warcraft and cute Asian girls, what more need I say?

The only thing I disapprove of is the Horde being portrayed as the bad guys here. Oh yeah, we are the bad guys.

Thanks to bunny for the link.

Posted by Jeff at 10:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I must report good news. As of the end of this year my car will be paid off in FULL...these are indeed good tidings of joy and spiffieness.

Posted by Jeff at 05:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I have passed another mile marker on the roadway to my ultimate fate and it feels mostly good to still be here amongst you. Here's to another year fraught with adventure and challenges most perilous!

I would like to thank Trin for the birthday post that would have been a surprise had she been able to withstand the temptation of telling me as I traveled back to Dallas from the lands of my ancestors. A hearty exultation of appreciation to those of you who left me little messages too, it was appreciated on a high level.

I took an extra day off, thus making the weekend extra long, and that would seem to have been a wise decision on my part. I missed traffic on my way down, a special boon to those of us who know how hellish traveling on I-35 has become. Indeed, I took an alternate route through Corsicana on the return trip just to make sure I wouldn't have to deal with any of the mischief that thoroughfare might spring on me.

The Holiday was spent with the family and while it was not exciting it was very relaxed and laid back. It was nice to sit and do absolutely nothing for a few days, no phone or internet. There was much sitting outside and watching the world pass by, enjoying time with family and soaking up that rural Central Texas essence all under a very traditional Texas Summer Sun.

As nice as it was, it is good to be back home.

Posted by Jeff at 03:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Attention Filthy Readers:

Today is Jeff's birthday! Be sure to leave him happy wishes for his most special day.

Happy birthday, baby! W33Z001 D3ATH K1AN!!! <:3

Posted by Trinity at 12:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

You and I should get together.
We should have a few drinks,
And tell nostalgic stories.
We'll make a game of it.
Break each other's hearts
With remembrance of our hopes
Those naïve dreams we had,
Before the life rolled its wheels.
Who sobs last wins the cigar.
Consider it an open invitation
Anytime that you like
We'll get together to laugh
And cry at serious mistakes
Crushing each other's heart
With sad, lonely tales of
What we wanted once upon a time.
Cringe with glee at irony
Of things come full circle
Two battered twisted souls
Swirling ‘round their whiskey.
It's so beautiful that I can but
Barely speak of it without weeping.
We'll probably compare notes
Of two paths taken at the fork
That led us back to this place here.

Posted by Jeff at 11:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This is the anniversary of, in my humble opinion, the most seminal event in the United States histories and I was sitting here in my vacuum of self importance totally unawares. Thank God for the Internets, halleluiah, it is indeed a wondrous time to be alive.

On this very day in 1863 the Confederate Army of Northern Virginia and the Federal Army of the Potomac finally found each other on the farmlands of Pennsylvania near a little town named Gettysburg. This marks the first day of engagement as the armies positioned themselves for a battle that would last three days ending with the WITHDRAW of Lee's Army of Northern Virginia.

Interestingly I recall reading microfiche in the library of Oklahoma Christian University of news paper articles around the time of the battle. It was very revealing to see how little was actually known about the position of the Confederates and even a few days after the battle they really didn't have detailed information on what had happened. I understand why this is, but having been raised in a culture of extreme data transmission it was still a little mind bending.

Also of note, the word seminal also means "Of, relating to, or conveying semen or seed.", in addition to "Highly influential in an original way…". Just thought you'd like to know.

Posted by Jeff at 08:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The post I made yesterday apparently vanished into the ether, either because of own inability to follow the procedure I've been following for nigh on five years now or some "ghost in the machine". Perhaps the Internets we're in a rambunctious mood yesterday. Because of this circumstance I am going to take that "easy way out" route that so many of us shun and some cherish. I admit it is a mixed bag, but a necessary utility in times of duress or laziness. I am posting the following letter received via the electronic mail system from my good friend, the Jailor, who lives in Corpus. His name is Lance and we've been friends since Kindergarten, but I feel that "the Jailor" has a more dramatic touch…so there you are. I did the research, ok I googled it, but apparently this is real and I'll post a link to the actual column at the bottom.

I'll say no more as I want to leave you to your own synaptic impulses to draw what ever it is you might draw from the following written word.

How Can Someone Who Lives in Insane Luxury Be a Star in Today's World?

On second thought, just follow the link provided above, the article was two pages long.

Posted by Jeff at 08:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)