And the mome raths outgrabe
I'm hesitant to blog about this seeing as most of my frequent readers are ladies, but rest assured I'm not talking about ya'll. Please don't hurt me.
I've been in a weird mood this week, feeling restless and unsettled, feeling a little bitter and resentful I think. This stuff has been swirling around in my gullet for quite some time and it seems that Redneck Dave somehow managed to verbalize my thoughts in a way I hadn't quite been able to (and in a way only he can). Here's a little excpert:
Women these days just have dis-satisfaction ingrained into their being.
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Boys, it don't matter how well you fuck her, how many dishes you wash, how much money you make, how well you treat her Mother or how much affection you show her. As soon as the honeymoon is over, she will find that one thing you do wrong and blow it up like friggin Hiroshima. If you are lucky, she will just leave your ass.
Now, before someone jumps all over me, understand that this is basically the experience I've had so far. I make no claims to greatness or perfection, and god knows I could have done more or been better, but I feel like I did everything that was within my ability to do and it just wasn't enough. I have the pleasure now of saying I've been married twice. When I mention the ex-wife, I have to be specific as to which one I'm talking about. Joy.
This last one was the real kick in the pants. I had the realization the other day that I pretty much wasted three years of my life. Actually wasted, and in fact if you look at it from certain angles it was more than wasted. My life progressed in no way, and I think I went backwards, especially in the finance department. Of course, I did this knowingly and willingly. I sacrificed so that I could get her through college. I went into debt and put stuff that I wanted to do on hold. I felt that it was more than worth it for the years of bliss that would be waiting once we got through it all. I figured there would be a time when we'd look back and laugh about how tough it'd been, and be closer because we'd made it through.
Gee, was I wrong. I tried to meet all the needs. I expended a great deal of effort and energy trying to make sure everything was taken care of, but somewhere in that juggling act I missed one. She left me for it. I admit I was tired, it was a lot of effort and I was never sure I was doing a good job, I suspect I'd fallen off my job a little. I still feel like I did the best I could and got nothing for it, except debt. That's just really, really frustrating and that's what this is…some of that frustration coming out.