Achievement and Realization
I have reached a milestone in my life and I expect you all to be very happy for me. I finished the fourth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's not easy describing the deep, stirring emotions that are coursing through my body right now as I contemplate the weight of this achievement.
As I think about it, this could be caused by my newly discovered staph infection. The doctor's office called me yesterday afternoon and told me that the culture they had taken came back positive for a staph infection. Okay, what the fuck is a staph infection I ask myself, because obviously, the notion of asking the nurse who is telling the news was beyond my cognitive reasoning skills. So I do what any well meaning infected person does in a moment of medical uncertainty, I go to Google.
What I learned was disturbing. My naïve thinking was that a staph infection would be related to the upper respiratory issues that I thought I had while I was sick. Evidently though, you get staph infections from being a disgusting human being, or at least that's what it looked like to me. I'm now embarrassed to tell people I have a staph infection, because I don't want anyone to think I live in a burrow of my own filth. Sure, it gets a little messy around the apartment from time to time, but nothing overtly nasty, I even clean the toilet…with cleaners and brushes.
Co-worker Jon assured me that there are many, many ways to get a staph infection, but did reassure me that I am a filthy animal…it's a guy kind of thing to do. Since I have no festering, ghastly wounds about my person I can safely mark that one off the list, but who knows what else could have caused it. My brief evaluations of the potential scenarios brought me to the probable conclusion that I received this little bacterial visitor while on vacation. So somewhere in the god forsaken wilds of Arizona or New Mexico I picked it up, wherein it incubated amongst my innards and made me sick by the time I got back home…I'm just guessing though.
I feel fine. I've been working out, living la vida not so loca and what have you, but the cute Indian doctor wants me to take antibiotic horse pills for ten days. I will do what the cute Indian doctor tells me to do. I'm so submissive. Okay, I've gone on about this way too long.