I hate money...
I hate being poor, I hate not making enough money to live the way I want to. I used to work for an oil company and I made lots of money, far more than I was really worth if the truth be known. When I was first told how much I was going to make I didn't really believe it and when I finally did believe it I didn't count on it lasting very long. After three or four years of it I got used to it and began to spend it pretty flippitantly...I didn't save it any longer and I didn't make good decisions with it.
Now I'm without it and I miss the money, I hate that I miss it, I despise myself for having defined my value so much on the amount of money I made. I hate that I can't take my wife out and not worry about spending too much or buy her a gift without feeling guilty about spending when I should be saving it up. I don't even want to be rich or live an extravagent lifestyle...I just don't want to have to constantly stress about looking in our checking account and finding it empty.
What I really despise is that this cycle of wanting to make more money so I can spend more is a direct influence of our society and popular culture. My logic screams out at me to stop it, think rationally; while another side of my psyche is constantly pulling me to buy and spend. There has got to be a better way, something more substantial, more fulfilling. What a contradiction to believe that our society and culture are hollow and meaningles, but want to be a part of it so badly, all the while knowing it is nonsense.