Unwanted Commentary

As previously stated, I'm reading Gone with the Wind, by Margaret Mitchell. Several times now Rhett Butler has made the comment that there are two ways to make big money:
"I told you once before that there were two times for making big money, one in the upbuilding of a country and the other in its destruction. Slow money on the upbuilding, fast money in the crack-up. Remember my words. Perhaps they may be of use to you some day."

Interesting. In a shadow of my mind the thought is lurking that I see something. Hasn't our government established a record of rebuilding vanquished opponents. Japan is the most obvious, Germany I suppose too. Instead of speculating on others I'll skip to Afganistan and the much ballyhooed regime change in Iraq. Lots of ways to make money in war and regime change...wonder who's making it?

I find this book a great thrill of subtle ridicule of our society...even with our current culture being so far removed from that of the antebellum South. Rhett makes a scathing remark about war, that they're fought for money and that all the drum rolls and bugle calls are just to get the populous whipped into a frenzie...so they'll fight.

Posted by Jeff at 08:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I sit and want way to live outside this world
but it doesn't show itself, it isn't obvious
you have to work for it I suppose
Though I don't see how you do it, I don't know.

We are the change we want to be
I can't change I don't want to change
I want to be the final product
My desire is to be that now, now, NOW! (Note capitilization for emphasis)

It really doesn't seem all that hard
If you look at it logically with perspective
But as soon as you start to work on it
It get's infinetly more difficult...just for spite?

Posted by Jeff at 09:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I hate being poor, I hate not making enough money to live the way I want to. I used to work for an oil company and I made lots of money, far more than I was really worth if the truth be known. When I was first told how much I was going to make I didn't really believe it and when I finally did believe it I didn't count on it lasting very long. After three or four years of it I got used to it and began to spend it pretty flippitantly...I didn't save it any longer and I didn't make good decisions with it.

Now I'm without it and I miss the money, I hate that I miss it, I despise myself for having defined my value so much on the amount of money I made. I hate that I can't take my wife out and not worry about spending too much or buy her a gift without feeling guilty about spending when I should be saving it up. I don't even want to be rich or live an extravagent lifestyle...I just don't want to have to constantly stress about looking in our checking account and finding it empty.

What I really despise is that this cycle of wanting to make more money so I can spend more is a direct influence of our society and popular culture. My logic screams out at me to stop it, think rationally; while another side of my psyche is constantly pulling me to buy and spend. There has got to be a better way, something more substantial, more fulfilling. What a contradiction to believe that our society and culture are hollow and meaningles, but want to be a part of it so badly, all the while knowing it is nonsense.

Posted by Jeff at 09:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I wonder if I'm going to get really sick of all the September 11th remembering that's going on. I feel guilty about that too, maybe I'm not being sensitive enough. Since my life wasn't in any way shape or form touched by the events of this day a year ago I am understandably unattached. I have read a few things on the Internet and they were very emotional to me, I feel the feelings of sadness, remorse, tragedy and all the other stock emotions. I do wonder why exactly. I don't wonder why I have these feelings, but why do I want to feel them and perhaps the better question is how much?

How much do I need to remember and relive this day? Does it really do anything for me other than instigating a depressed mood? Does that make me less of an American, less of a person? I don't know really, I do feel that I've read and watched enough emotional, and technical, material about the attacks. Perhaps in my mind I've accepted what happened, and recognize that all I can really do about it is move on and live my life just as I did before (as much as that is really possible, I have discovered that there are just certain things (thought patterns mostly) that are forever changed because of Sept. 11, 2001).

I wonder then, why do we want to reread accounts and remember the pain so vividly, feel the emotions that are so harsh that they can cripple you. Healing, obviously it's healing to let these emotions out and deal with them, as a guy that's a harder concept than I like. I think also we try to share the burden of those more directly effected by these events, that by attending a memorial or reading accounts of people on the web we become a part of it and in some way take our share of if all. The last thing I can think of is perhaps it's the same thing as getting on a roller coaster or watching a scary movie. Perhaps we love to spark our emotional nature, strain it and stretch it so that we can then return to our normal lives and relative safety.

Posted by Jeff at 11:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The earth has been rotating in space for several-billion years now. Yet it has been said that if the whole history of our planet could be condensed into one calendar year, man would not appear until 10:30pm on December 31st. And "science" -- the household god of the twentieth century -- would not surface until the last second of our calendar. Isn't it strange that on the basis of such limited experience we have decided that the future is ours?

— Steve Van Matre, author of
Earth Education... A New Beginning

Posted by Jeff at 09:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well here we are...one year later....

The wife and I watched two movies last night, the first was Serendipity and the second was Amelie.

Serendipity was very cute, very romancy and the comedy was good. I've always been a big fan of Jeremy Piven and Eugene Levy, so I really enjoyed their comedic additions and I think that without them this movie would have really bogged down. I've also always been a John Cusak fan too, though I have to agree with the review in that this movie doesn't allow him to do his best.
My biggest problem with this movie is the absurd premise that it's based on. It's no wonder that so many romantic endeavors fail and that the divorce rate is so incredibly high. While cute and endearing, this movie reeks as a model for promoting healthy relationships and this is in the end what made it hard for me to enjoy. Outside of a few cliché romantic quips I never really saw what was so great about their first encounter. In fact John Cusak's character is deplorable in that he's actively pursuing another woman while already involved with another.
We watched the deleted scenes and the thing that bothers me about that was that the film makers evidently felt they had to dumb down an already unsophisticated movie. While most of them were obviously good cuts, others at least would have added a little more substance to the first meeting. Just once I'd like to see a major film promote a solid well based relationship model, I think you can do that and still have all the qualities that this film had.....but then what do I know.

The second film was Amelie, which I didn't/don't know much about. To be honest I picked it up because the bright green box kept attracting my attention at the video store, so last night I finally gave in and rented it. It was evidently (obviously) French and had subtitles...which are always swanky. To me this film sort of defies explanation, though it is a romantic comedy of sorts...all I can say is you just have to experience it....it really is a delightful little movie....it did seem to be really long though, but maybe I was just getting tired. If you enjoy different or adventurous cinematic experiences, I think you'd like this one.

Posted by Jeff at 08:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I hate it when I feel confident about something that I don't really have any right to be confident about. Sometimes I let my opinions and pseudo-morality get the best of me and that typically only leads to me being embarassed. I'm not the kind of person that's quick on the uptake, I don't have a rapier wit...as much as I wish I did...and it usually takes me awhile to process things...I have to think about it for awhile...which perhaps isn't such a bad thing really. Still I often find that by waiting to process things I'm far too out of bounds to effect anything by the time I figure it out.

It seems like the whole world moves so fast, I don't really see how anyone keeps up with it all. I sometimes suspect that everyone is just faking it as best they can, so as not to seem to be behind and uncool. Perhaps that's what I missed out on...developing a keen sense of improptu bullshitting...I don't suppose I thought it was all that important during those key formulative years.

I just read a part of Gone With the Wind (my favorite movie...suppose it's time I read the book) where Scarlett is thinking about Ashely...it's in Chapter 2 somewhere (I haven't gotten very far yet). Ick...I don't have the text with me, but basically it was about how he prefers to live in his books, poetry and what-have-you...happy to accept his life (of course he's the son of a rich plantantion owner with no worries...i would be too) and observe the world, but prefers to live in his own "golden" world. Perhaps when I find it I'll put it in here...I liked it and it struck home with me.

Posted by Jeff at 07:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My ambition to blog has waned over the last few weeks. Oddly I think the fact that there has been a lot going on in my life has made it hard for me to blog. I say odd because I have the presumption that most bloggers write in their blogs as a way to unload the burden of their daily lives...a sort of therapy so to speak. I thought I was doing that in a way, but I don't suppose I am...maybe I just haven't grown enough as a person to be able to dump everything in my life on a web page that anyone can read...for gawd sakes I don't want anonymous people to think that I might have "issues" in my life. Or maybe I'm so healthy that I resolve my internal discombobulation by myself…who knows.

For anyone that is concerned...all those "issues" seem to be getting fixed and it now appears that everything is going to be just fine. The wife and I have had some pretty toppsy-turvy days in the past weeks, and it's nice to feel like we're over the proverbial hump now. She's a brave and strong woman...I've been impressed with her, but not surprised :).

Anyway...enough suspense and meandering around the details...life is good...woo hoo

Posted by Jeff at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Looking back at my optomistic attiutde of last last friday I could almost slap myself. The weekend wasn't bad, if not overly exciting and from time-to-time annoying...it was over all a nice long weekend...we went to Austin for some family stuff...woo um hoo.

Getting back to the apartment to find my convertible cut into pretty much ruined the whole thing. Fortunately, it wasn't as bad as it could have been...nothing major was stolen, just CD's and my digital tire gauge (and my old fashioned air gauge too...odd i guess these guys were at a loss for music and have had tire problems). The interior wasn't damaged, the radio was still there, the two laptops in the trunk were still there too...*phew*

Still the anger and frustration of sensless vandalism and theft (especially targeted at me) was very frustrating and anger inducing...I've grown tired of it now, as I've had to explain it to too many concerned people. Good side is that the car has full coverage so it will get fixed...downside is i should have gone for the 250 deductable instead of the 500...hehe.

Posted by Jeff at 08:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)